faeryactive's Blog

I know nobody really want to read about someone in the middle of PMS (Post Menstrual Syndrom) but lately it is getting diffictult to handle and hard not snap at people but I am managing.  I am only 38 but it seems the closer I get to 40 my mood has been very erratic.  However I know what to do to help me out during these day which don't only happen during the PMS days.  

I have been keeping very busy with housework, gardening, reading, internet, stretching and later I'm going to do my OBOD homework, take a long hot bath and meditate...  I also know that I have to be more careful with my diet and eat less carbs, drink a special mix tea (raspberry) and warm milk...  It is very hard not to drink coffee but I know that its good to limit it during this time.

I've told my husband and son that it is my bad time of the month and they usually try there best to not bug me and even talk to me because I take things so literal and personal.  I am so happy that I have learned to control these times but oh man it's getting harder and harder to not lash out and start yelling.

Otherwise I have so much to write down but won't till I have a little more time later tonight or tomorrow.

What a difference a day makes when you felt like you could not move and do much to cleaning and organizing house, continuing with my OBOD studies and drawing and actually up to talking with my family.  It probably helped that it was not down pouring rain and the clouds let the sun shine down onthe city.  I was having some difficultes getting modivated early afternoon (I slept in till noon) because I was up and down all night but I will make sure to get to bed by eleven tonight.

I am going to give my resignation letter to my employeer tomorrow but almost decided not to when I got an interesting e-mail from them today which surprised me because they usually don't work weekends.  They have given all the employees a raise from $12 to $13.50 an hour and mileage rates went up.  The first thing that entered my mind was greed (sorda) because I though wow what I can do with the extra money.

Then when I sat down and startng to my studies and artwork I started weighing  the pros and cons in why I wanted to leave the job; Pros: hard on my body, against my values of having a simple life and helping the environment, working as a social and community volunteering, my husband had a job that makes enough money, etc.... Cons: extra money, fianancial security, good on my resume, doing a job that I was good at... 

You probably have guessed that I am still going to send my resignation letter in.  I want to work on myself and find that if I doing something that is always bugging me because of what it stands for then how am I changing me.   I have already applied for a few new jobs that is based on what I want to do that will better myself and belief system.  I'm lucky that I have supportive people around me that have told me that I only what is a good decision for myself.

More news tomorrow....

Have not written over a day but I thought because I was not feeling well that it was a perfect time to write allite something down but knowing me it might go on and on...

Ok I know this might sound like I'm complaining but I believe writing it down will get me to push myself to do other things that I can do sitting down and does not lead me to do much physical.

I'm on my second day of my period which is really really painful this month and had to my pain medication more consistently and it makes me really tired.  I have also done some stretches that usualy help things but I'm extremely tired so I was only able to do a few. 

My complications Gastroparesis from my Diabetes is also acting up so my diet is limited to more liquidy and easily digestible foods and I need to be near a washroom so that means I really can't go anywhere today but I don't feel like it anyways.  It is also very painful so I need to take it easy but I refuse to go to sleep.

I had a problem in the past when I was not feeling well that I would just sleep the day away but I hardly do that anymore and have decided to keep myself busy with reading, drawing, studying spiritual stuff and now doing things on the Experience Project.

Now with the Gastroparesis which is when a certain nerve (forget what its called) does not function properly so your stomach has troubles digesting foods especially high fats and fiber foods. However there is medication I can take before each meal which I need to remind myself to take so I don't feel like this later. Also if I remember to chew my food so it's not so pulpy (most people should do this anyways) things turn out beeter for me.  I am also very lucky with the Gastroparesis because some people have it so bad that they need and artifical stomack and its all liquids and they get to eat properly anymore.

When people find out that I have diabetes they usually say how sorry the feel for me.  I always respond that I've had diabetes for so long that it just part of me and that I am very lucky to have a chronic disease that can be controled and stabalized.  I'm so lucky that I don't have Cancer, MS, Parkinsons, Lupus and the many other diseases that are much worse.   Yes, Diabetes can give me many complication but when I stop this self destruction attitude then I don't have to worry as much...  I accept that there will be more difficulties in my life but I see them as a way to enlightening my perspective of life.

Well it's time to go so I can do some drawing and work on my OBOD material....

I have no problems talking about myself but usually I don't make many friends that way because of stereotyping and usually don't spit out my whole life like I used to.  So currently I'm slowly making friends and acquaintences again and hopefully when I'm ready to share more about myself I won't scare them off.  I've invited a few of my new acquaintences here to Experience Project but will not tell them who I am here till I am totally ready.

Anyways here is some of the difficulties I face first and then the positives in my life.  Even when the difficulties help me with the positives because the challenges push me to better myself which give me a different insight to the world around me.

I'm just going to list the things that I handle everyday and starting to make myself more healthier.  I was diagnosed with Bipalar II Disorder (used to be called Manic Depression) and used to have times of psychosis and pretty much have medication which has controlled the symptoms and currently have Therapy to help with the rest.  I am a Diabetic - type one or juvenile diabetes and proud to say that it's been over 30 years since my diagnoses and currently I am having an uphill battle but I am setting some significant goals. I have a few complication from my diabetes which are hypothyrodism, neuropathy and gastroparesis.   To top things off I have a disorder which affects all the above; self abusive disorder which includes picking at my skin and not taking care of my health (eating right, excercising and not taking my insulin).  

However I am setting goals in which will help me jump over the hurdles that I set before me.  So if you like follow my journey in making a whole person outside these challenges for it is time for these changes in my life.

Just to also note that my husband is diagnosed with Schizophrenia and my step son has Aspergers Syndrome.  Yes, its true but with seeing the changes in them even with their challenges helps me strengthen my resolution to change also.

Now to the positives; my family, friends that stuck around, my community, I have roof over my head, the basics (I'm not into expensive stuff), clothing (usually used-consignment), healthy food (mostly organic and local), alot of nature in the big city, my spirituality, music, a small library in my home, clean environment and the list goes on and on...

Also if there is anyone that has a problem with my grammar well tough because I just like sitting and writing and not editing myself...  Please excuse the bad english but hopefully it will improve with more writing.

So far it's been a interesting journey on the Experience Project and hopefully keep up with my visits here.  I probably will try to come back weekly and if it really catches my intrests maybe every other day.   I currently have a very busy life but I have always want to start a blog of some sort so why not start here.  If anyone noticed I started my own group here to do with 'I want to help in my community'  I hope that is the name?   I feel very foolish about forgetting the name so soon but between putting my son to bed, working at home (data entry), laundry and watching America's Got Talent it wasn't hard to forget... *grin*

If you can tell I am multi-taskng woman who is quite busy but is ready to slow down for awhile to focus on getting myself healthy, my family more organized and healthy, and my community healthy.  I put that in order because its time to take care of myself first so everthing else can follow.

There is alot to explain about myself in this Blog but that would take all night long and I need a good nights sleep.  Luckily my husband is seeing kiddo on the school bus tomorrow like he does everyday which includes a good breakfast.  I love my husband for the help he is giving me throughout our marriage.

Anyways my eyes are starting to droop closed and I have a few meetings tomorrow.